Where for art thou?

Where are my blogger friends? the writers of the blog? Hast thou forsaken me? Are we soooo busy that we cannot update? I know one of the bloggers is with child and likely busy eating. The other is likely buried under a wall because he tried to give his condo a more open look - without the help of a contractor. And me, my excuse is that I have been inundated with projects that had to be done yesterday, or maybe the day before that? And my child is leaving home and I will soon be a half-empty nester. And the angst, oh the angst.

Perhaps the other bloggers should really give their own excuses though...

Counting Crows

Does anyone think that crows might be the most irritating creatures on the planet? I was sitting at my desk this afternoon, trying to get some work done and was vaguely aware that some sound in the background was slightly distracting and annoying me. Subconsciously, I was running through a list in my mind of what it could be: cell phone low battery warning (no, not frequent enough); smoke alarm (no, still conscious and no firemen have appeared on the scene); phone off the hook (close, but phone is on the hook); co-workers relaying tale of difficulty in buying shoes that will work with orthopedic inserts (no, too monotonous and not punctuated by sounds of sympathetic clucking). Then I realized it was a crow, and that for the past hour, I had been listening to a crow outside squawking over and over. Really, do they not have anything better to do? Some garbage to eat or something?

Even better contest

Due to overwhelming response to our last contest, we're increasing the number of amazing prizes that could be yours (yours!) if you post a comment to our blog. They include:

• Stainless steel flatware dinner service for 6 (for 5 if everyone needs a fork; for 4 if everyone needs knives. Note: pattern may vary slightly among pieces) (Winner must pay a nominal fee for shipping and handling)
  
• 60 cents in Canadian Tire money
• Mini-screwdriver set
• 1 vinyl cartoon tiger placemat
• 1 pair of PVSS-issue gym shorts

We've held this amazing contest over far, far too long so enter now and enter often!

Contest!

Have you noticed that all the really cool blogs give things away to their readers? Our little blog would certainly love to emulate these blogs and give our dear readers a chance to win cool prizes. Unfortunately, we don't seem to have quite the same readership or advertising dollars.

However, I do have a credit for $14.56 at Canadian Tire and would love to give it to you, dear reader. To win this prize you must leave a comment telling us how you found our blog. The winner will be drawn randomly. Contest closes some time soon!

On your mark, get set, go!

Don't do drugs

The small city that I live in seems to have an overwhelming amount of new drug users. We even have 2 red zones - which means that if a crackhead gets arrested and then is seen in the zone again, they are automatically arrested. I steer clear of the red zone because getting arrested once is enough for me. Honestly, I am not even sure what crack is, but I really do avoid these scary areas.

What it means for our small town though, is that the shady folk have to move their crime around - which is terribly inconvenient for them - making it that more difficult to find those end buyers. We used to only have one red zone and have just recently just moved up to two - if they keep moving, maybe we can get the whole town declared.

Recently I started working in our community arts centre located in the city's biggest and nicest park - think Central Park and scale it down to about a block. This area seems to be the on its way to becoming the next red zone. Right now it is just a healthy shade of pink. A gentleman came into the centre the other day inquiring about woodworking courses and when he could sign up for them, leaving his name and address for us to contact him with the information. Then he wandered around the lobby looking at everything and asking very nicely if "anyone could buy a cup of coffee?" We keep a bowl in the lobby that all the artists drop a dollar in to pay for their coffee. We said of course he could buy a cup. The gentleman turned his back to us, coughed, and dumped the bowl of money into his bag. We didn't exactly see him but we knew what he had done. He did, however, put a dollar back in the bowl to pay for his coffee.

It was just me and another woman in the lobby so we didn't confront him about it, but we weren't very nice to him, and he left shortly after. We phoned the number he had given, thinking okay, really, could he be that dumb? But the number wasn't in service.

Around the same time the next day he comes rushing into the lobby with his girlfriend. They both went straight over to where the coffee bowl used to be - we had already moved it to the front desk - and about 4 of us surrounded them. We all had a lovely chat and then they left.

So drugs don't just make you stupid - they also make you think that everyone around you is stupid, too. Did he think we would leave the bowl out for him and his friends to partake in every day? Perhaps he should have maybe left a day or two in between his visits.

I like to think that by moving the bowl I did my part in fighting the war on drugs.

The people in your neighbourhood

I just moved onto a new street and the local wisdom is that the people who across the street from me are drug dealers. There seem to be a lot of expensive trucks and motorcycles that come and go on a frequent basis, but having bad taste doesn't necessarily incriminate a person. I think it's more likely that that rather than drug dealers, they're simply drug users. However, two weeks ago, they advertised a garage sale at their house, but when Saturday morning came, there was nary a fondue pot to be found. This week, they've listed another garage sale, so I now hold the theory is that the garage sale ad is really an encoded advertisement for a new shipment of drugs. They won't be able to keep up this sham very long because dedicated garage sale shoppers are a force to be reckoned with, and if they do a drive-by more than twice looking for a cut-rate crimping iron, they're liable to take matters into their own hands.

Yes, life in a small town really is this interesting. Today I learned through my staff weekly newsletter that my neighbours are splitting up. Because I live in a small town, I happen to live next door to a woman who works in my department and in the "welcomes and farewells" section, there was a farewell to my neighbour, who is moving back down south. I promptly tapped myself into the departmental grapevine and got the low-down on their short-lived romance. It really saved me the effort of having to befriend her, go out to lunch, get her relationship story, then see her off back to the big city. I'm all about efficiency.

More news from the suburbs next week, when I'll be reporting on the local federal PC candidate's fundraising barbecue. Our government: funded by your weenies.

Hello Drooling Reader

Many of you are probably wondering why posts on this blog are so sporadic and disjointed. That is because the three of us are amateur psychologists and this is a Pavlovian blog. Posts will be completely random, in order to increase the excitement you feel when a post is made.

You will probably need to buy a few new hankerchiefs.